Everyday Is An Opportunity

It seems like just yesterday when we arrived in Cambodia. I remember seeing S21 and the Killing Fields at the beginning of the trip and it is hard to believe we are already at the end. Now that we have left the country, it really sinks in what an amazing experience this was.

I am torn between wanting to be home and wanting to be with the kids. I miss the kids so much and want to give them each one more hug. They are part of my family and it kills me to leave them. They are wonderful and amazing and I miss and love them with all of my heart. I am so proud of the work we did for them. We built them a house, cut the grass, cleaned, swept, organized, deloused, and so much more. The house is really amazing. I love everything about it, the color, the beds, the flowers, and especially the people in it. The kids deserve everything that all of the volunteers from Children's Global Alliance have done. It is a great feeling to change someone's life in a positive way. It can be picking up trash or taking them to a foreign country on a service trip.

This experience has helped me become a better person. I have gained more self awareness, skills, and strengths. It has encouraged me to set goals for myself and not stop until they are achieved. I realized that I don't need to start off shy; I can be my true self from the start. There is no point in holding back, all you get from that is regret. This trip has challenged me mentally and physically, but in the end has given me a great reward.  It taught me to live in the moment and make the most of everyday. I will continue to work on improving my weaknesses and step out of my comfort zone. I will treasure this experience and all it has taught me for the rest of my life.

Everyday is an opportunity, you have to decide what you're going to make of it.

Until Next Time

Saying goodbye is the hardest part. No matter how much I prepare for them, they always take me by surprise.

These last days will stay with me forever. Today was one of the best and the worst days of my life. The morning was a blast. We made bracelets, colored, and played. The kids did a performance for us and I have to say that they are fantastic dancers. After the dancing, things got very emotional.

There are no words to describe the way I felt when I was hugging everyone goodbye one last time. The tears overpowered me and wouldn't stop until there was none left. It is unbearably hard to think that there could possible be no tomorrow with the kids, there may not be a next time. It is hard enough to say goodbye to someone you could never see again, but it feels like your heart is being shattered when you have to say a final goodbye. I kept telling myself that I'll come back and see them again, but my doubts shadow that little shred of hope. I truly love them with all of my heart. They are my family and I will love them forever.

I read the letters they gave me over and over, it felt like me eyes kept gravitating towards their words. I can't believe that we have only known them for two short weeks. It amazes me that you can give and receive so much love in such a short period of time. When I hugged them goodbye one last time, it was incredibly hard to let go. I wanted to pull them closer, hug them tighter, and never ever let them go.

When Lavin saw me crying in the tuk tuk, saying my last goodbyes, he came over and told me to smile because that's how he wanted to remember me. Him saying that made me cry harder, but smile too. Watching them chase after the tuk tuk as we drove away was heart breaking. I have never said I love you so many times in one day.

“Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.”

Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

Yesterday, I tutored English with Scott in the library. It was really fun and the kids knew a lot. Tutoring helped me with my concentration and patience. We went back to the orphanage and started a project. Some of the girls cut the grass while the boys built goals so they could have a field to play soccer on. We got to play with the kids on and off the new field. It was really nice being able to enjoy our hard work.

The last two days we spent more time with the kids and I really bonded with them. They are so much fun and I am having a hard time even thinking about leaving them. Tomorrow is our last day at the orphanage and I have accepted the fact that I am going to cry. I love these kids so much! Right now, I am covered in names and hearts that the kids drew on me. They are so wonderful and amazing and I can't believe that I will probably never see them again. I just want to take them all home.

""Live everyday as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
-Ghandi

Share the Love

When you learn to live, love, and laugh like these kids, everything in the world is perfect. They are not orphans, all of the volunteers from Children's Global Alliance are their family.

The house is finished. It is painted Pacific Blue and I am incredibly proud of what we accomplished. The kids have never slept on a bed in their lives and seeing them move into the house is indescribable. I have never been so full of complete and utter joy in my life. The boys were so happy to move in. They had the happiest look on their faces when they came inside and picked their beds. I couldn't stop smiling. The kids can turn any bad day into an amazing one, and that is so valuable.

Yesterday, I taught in the English school. The school is made of wood and puts me in a good mood. It is full of quotes and drawings from the students. I wasn't the best teacher, so I was very lucky to have Karlie there to help me. The kids were more advanced in English than I had expected, it took me by surprise. Actually teaching people English was a lot more challenging than I thought it would be but it felt good to be challenged mentally and not just physically.

Today and yesterday the kids made us drawings and cards. I am going to hang up each one in my room when I get home. I love each and everyone of these kids so much, I am contemplating stuffing them in my suitcase and bringing them home. They are so adorable and wonderful.

Finishing something is great, but finishing something for someone you love, is brilliant.

Let's Think

Every drop of sweat, every step, every piece of trash picked up is to better someone's life. I am becoming a better and happier person because I know I'm helping other people.

Yesterday, I had to pick up trash outside the orphanage as a punishment for turning in my lesson plan late. It gave me a lot of time to think. I decided to not let myself get distracted and really push myself to always be doing something productive. You need to bring change, not just wait for it.

Today, I spent the majority of the day with little kids from the slums and some from the orphanage in the library. The library is nothing like our libraries in America, it is more like a shack with shelves and books. The cement floor is covered by thin mats and there are ants in every corner. It is not clean by any stretch of the imagination, a lot of young, dirty children come in there everyday. Its is nothing like I pictured it to be. There were about 16 kids and they all wanted to be picked up and played with. For the most part, the kids were good. When I was coloring with them, I was imagining what it would be like to live their lives. It confuses me how Americans have so much but are so unhappy and how these kids have so little but are filled with joy. I also found out that you can do nails by coloring them with crayon. My day was filled with laughs and smiles.

We are making a lot of progress on the boys' house. Tomorrow, we will finish the windows, put up the walls, and possibly paint. Today, we cemented the lower sides of the house and the floor. I don't think we could do it without the people that help us everyday, like our lovely translator Meng, the tuk tuk drivers Boo Phat and Boo Lei, and so many more that aren't payed to help us. I know that this experience will improve my skills, self worth, and self knowledge.

“Give them a reason to remember your name.” I want to be the person that changes there lives.

See You Tomorrow

 I love knowing we’re working so hard every day for the kids. It’s an amazing feeling that can turn a bad day into a good one and will make you smile every minute. The kids are some of the best people I’ve ever met, they don’t hold back any love, it is aw warranting. You can’t help but grin when you’re around them.

Today was a very productive day. We laid the brick foundation for the boys’ dorm and then filled it with dirt and rocks. It was difficult and exhausting, but every little drop of sweat is worth it. The supports for the walls and roof were put up in just a few short hours. I still can’t believe how fast everything is going. I’m so excited to finish the house and to see the kids’ faces when they see the new building. I pushed myself harder today and I was so proud of what I accomplished. It seems that when I believed I could get it done, I could. I was drenched in sweat, but was so overjoyed that I didn’t care.

The kids are so wonderful. They are all amazing and unique in their own way. It is truly astounding how they don’t care about tomorrow, they live for today. I think they have the cutest laughs in the whole world. One of the younger girls, SokChia, reminds me of my little cousin, and it brings a smile to my face. It cracks me up how the orphanage’s dogs’ names are Tony, Tony, Tony, Tony, and Tina. There are so many simple, funny, random things that happen in Cambodia. I can’t wait to spend another day at the orphanage.

“It doesn’t matter where you’re going, it matters what you do along the way.” Our extraordinary work here will certainly contribute to an amazing journey.

Days 2 & 3

My motive when doing almost anything here is the kids. It doesn't matter how much you sweat or how sore you are, you do it for the kids. 

Yesterday, was a day full of work. We cleared the place where the boys' house will be. I'm so excited to build the house. There is much much work to be done but the thought that it's all for the kids makes it worth it.

This morning Jamie, Karen, Scott, and I all went to the library at the slums. Karen and Scott were upstairs tutoring and Jamie and I were downstairs with the little kids. There were so many kids, but after they calmed down it was really fun. They all loved hand sanitizer and lined up to get some. I picked one of the kids up and they all swarmed. It was so sad to see there living conditions and so little they have. It's bewildering how happy they are.

Next, we headed back to the orphanage. We mixed in with the manual labor team and got to work. I started off picking the grass out of the flower beds then headed over to the place where the boys' house will be. I picked up leaves and branches from part of a tree that was cut. After all of that was cleared, we started measuring and digging and poring dirt and cement. Together we got so much done in just a few hours. Following that, we played with the kids. I think it is just hilarious how they like to laugh at my "blonde moments". They are so much fun. It warms my heart how loving they are. When we left the orphanage for the day they all ran out and followed us down the street, I couldn't stop smiling. The kids are so amazing, I already love them.

"Nothing extraordinary is done without the extra."

Day One

We arrived in Cambodia last night and so many things are not what I expected but so much better. We were crammed in the van with all our luggage but even with 50 pound suitcases pilled on our laps it was still amazing.When we went to our rooms at the guest house, there we quotes hanging on the wall and bracelets and scarves waiting on the beds for us. I love being able to see our quotes when we wake up and when we go to bed.

Toul Sleng & The Killing Fields
Actually seeing the places where people were brutally tortured and killed was unbelievable. As we walked through the prison, I kept thinking to myself, "why would someone do this?" I couldn't think of any reason to murder innocent people. Our tour guide's father, brother, and sister were killed in Pol Pot's Regime but she still manages to talk about it everyday; she has to be one of the strongest people I've ever met. Seeing the picturesof the victims, torture weapons, and prisoner cells with dried blood on the floor made the experience seem so much more real. At the Killing Fields there are cases filled with victims bones and clothes and it made me feel like I was going to vomit. What was once a beautiful place was ruined by all of the horrendous things that took place. It was so hard to think that this happened so recently and that so few people know about it.

The People
All of the people here are so sweet. They smile and wave at us when we drive by in our tuk tuks. The tuk tuk rides are so much fun; we get to see so many different things and people. However, when we're driving the smells change so often, one minute it could be a good smell and the next it could be a revolting stench. I love how the people here make me feel welcome. In America nobody would smile and wave at someone they didn't know. Seeing all the people wave and smile at us can make my day.

The Orphanage
Today, was our first day at the orphanage. We didn't get to meet all of the kids because they were in school but the ones that we did meet were amazing. They immediately ran up to the tuk tuks and gave us hugs. We asked them their names and how old they were, it was surprising how old some of them are because they look so young. All of them played games with us and laughed with us. I thought it was so amazing that they can just make us their friends within minutes. It started raining and we kept playing like nothing was happening. Then, we had to wash ourselves off at the well they were just cracking up and playing with us. They would play little jokes on us, like telling us they were going to pour water on us then counting down and pouring it on themselves. When we were about to leave one of the boys ran out and gave a few of us bracelets or rings. It was so wonderful that they could just instantly like you, no matter what you do.

In the morning I had no idea what to feel or think, but when we got to the orphanage I was instantly filled with joy. I am so excited to go back tomorrow and see all the kids and help out at the orphanage, school, and library. I am so grateful for this opportunity and the people involved in it.